A Metaphor for America

Watching today’s shenanigans over the US Presidential election inspired me to write my first Medium post. After reading about how the Orange Man wants the counting of votes stopped, I thought I’d write about a metaphor that I think accurately describes America.

Now imagine, if you can, that you know a keen golfer called Donald. Golf is a game predicated on archaic and long standing traditions of proper sportsmanship and quiet conduct. But this golfer is special. Wealthy beyond dreams, he joins a quiet, happy little club and starts playing each weekend. He offers to finance an expensive upgrade to the club house and the course. An offer he never plans to act on but it does assure him special treatment around the club. He glad hands the board and they are in thrall to him.

His specialness starts to become a problem as he cheats his way around every round, sometimes shaving 5 to 10 strokes off his score. No one else can win because he’s bribed the club handicapper to keep his handicap the same. Anyhoo, to ensure the upgrade to the club, the club’s board looks the other way. Members grumble and bitch. Just relax they say. It’s just Donald being Donald. It’s worth a little pain for the bigger prize. They even look the other way when he starts groping the other members’ wives.

The Annual Club Championship is being played and Donald needs to win. It’s his pride. But after 18 holes it is close. So Donald plays his trump card. He calls over the referee and says that he only wants to count his score for the first twelve holes. Not only that he wants all the the other players to count all 18 holes. If they do count his other holes, he is going to sue them. Seriously, he is going to sue. He can’t win but neither can the club afford all those expensive legal fees.

But the real kicker is half the members and most of the board want to go along with it. Sure, golf has been played over 18 holes for 300 years. But for Donald they agree. He only needs to count his first 12 holes.

Lured by fake promises, that quiet, happy golf club has become beset by infighting and heated, finger pointing arguments in the members grill. The night of the championships it gets so heated the police have to be called. The prize giving has to be cancelled. A few weeks later there is a heated argument in the car park and someone actually gets shot.

You can see where this heading. After a year or so the club closes down. Most of the members have gone. They can’t pay the bills and the long-serving staff have to be let go. To add, insult to injury, Donald never came through with his promises on an upgrade. In fact, he’s left and joined another club.

When the turning point came half the members and their board sided with the maniac who wanted to overturn 300 years of golf just so he and they could look like a winner. They defended him and his crazy notions because they thought he would make their golf club better. He didn’t. He destroyed it. They helped him.

America has become that golf club. When the Donald moves on that gold club is still going to be the shell it has become … except those crazy ex-members are still around.